Ryan

1) Use Lists Consistently

Ever feel like you have a hundred things to do, and even though you’ve been running around all day, somehow none of them got done?

Our brains simply aren’t capable of juggling the amount of
information necessary to stay organized.Phone numbers, for example, are seven digits largely because we can only retain seven pieces of information at one time. Even if you ‘only’ accomplish four tasks per day, you’ll notice results within a month of consistent use of lists.

If you’re only going to take one thing away from this article, it should be this. Making an inventory of things you’d like to accomplish each day is, by far, the best way to be more productive.

2) Do Little Things First

Once you have your list of things you’d like to accomplish, prioritize them based on how long you think they’ll take to get done.

To be more productive, you have to leverage the built-in features of your brain. Mainly that it wants to do more of what feels good, and less of what feels bad.If you try to tackle the biggest thing first and it takes you longer than expected, you get bogged down and lose momentum. You feel drained and demoralized.

When you start your day by accomplishing something, even if it only takes a few minutes to do, you immediately receive a spike of positive emotion. Your brain essentially goes “Hey! That feels good, I want more of that!”

3) Check Things Off As You Accomplish Them

Think about the most addictive mobile games out there, the ones with millions and millions of downloads – ever wondered why they’re so successful?

Well, besides being fun, they leverage certain psychological tricks.

Today I’m going to expose one, and tell you how to use it to your advantage.The biggest is called the goal gradient effect. Sounds fascinating, I know. Basically, it’s a phenomenon where people get more and more motivated as they get closer to accomplishing something.

This is why you’ll constantly be “leveling up”, receiving points, unlocking new items and features, and see meters and gauges showing you how close you are to the next reward. Even though there are always more things to do, it tricks your mind into thinking “Almost done! Just a few more games!”

Checking things off your list has the same effect. As you get closer to completing your list for the day, your motivation grows, and you in turn become more productive.

4) Manage Your Expectations

The opposite of the goal gradient effect is… the reverse goal gradient effect. Scientists are an exciting, creative bunch aren’t we?

Just like you get more motivated the closer you get to achieving something, you tend to procrastinate when faced with a goal that seems distant and far from completion.

Whenever you think “I should do X” and feel resistance (like excuses popping into your head), revisit that goal and lower your expectations.

If you feel too lazy to go to the gym, reduce your expectations to putting your
shoes on and standing by the door with your gym bag.Usually, momentum kicks in and you drag your sorry ass to the gym. Everyone knows once you get to the gym and work out you’re glad you did, and the same holds true for achieving your goals.

What if you do the new, reduced goal and still don’t feel like doing it? Well you completed your goal, so give yourself a break and relax.

Knowing that you don’t have to do the whole thing relieves the pressure holding most people back, and even if momentum only carries you through your task 8 times out of 10, you’ll still end up being more productive in the long run.

“You don’t lose or fail at anything by ending a relationship that doesn’t build or benefit you. You fail by not letting go of those things. You fail yourself by not moving forward.”

The above quote is a reader comment that perfectly summarizes this article. Unfortunately, most people are blind to the truth contained in this quote.

Most people believe breaking up is a failure, but they don’t stop to consider what this implies about success.

How You Define Relationship Failure is Really Important
If break ups equal failure, it also implies that success means not breaking up. If you think about this, you’ll realize that there are two possible outcomes with this perspective:

1) You stay with someone until you die, or they die.
2) You fail.

I don’t know about you, but I think there miiiight be some flaws with this perspective.

The main thing is that people have a tendency to avoid failure at all costs, even if it means enduring enormous levels of pain. Even when it’s totally irrational. Defining failure as breaking up leads to a dangerous internal conflict – when is it acceptable to walk away? When is it giving up too early and “failing”?

After almost four years of relationship counselling, here’s what I’ve come up with:

“A successful relationship is two people contributing to each other’s lives in a meaningful way.”-Click to Tweet

Sometimes this will be a very brief period in your lives. Sometimes, it will be until death.

A failed relationship can be one that lasts for your entire life.

A successful relationship can be one that lasts for a single date.

As long as we continue to narrowly define the success or failure of a relationship based on togetherness or separation, we force one another into making decisions that don’t reflect our best interests or the best interests of our romantic partners.

Relationship Failure Has Nothing to Do With Breaking Up
The majority of people I ask tell me the goal of dating is to find the one. BIG PROBLEM!

If your goal is to find the one, your attachment is to the outcome of staying together rather than making a positive impact on the person you’re staying together with.

In other words, you’re going to focus on staying together instead of focusing on fulfilling your needs and your partner’s needs.

Figure out what you want from a relationship, and then date with that intent. Maybe you want adventure. Maybe you want great sex. Maybe you start out wanting one thing, and this changes to something else as you mature and develop as a person.

Realistically, most of your desires don’t take a lifetime to fulfill. A successful lifelong relationship will only work if both people are constantly changing to meet the changing needs and desires of their partner.

Dating is how you discover another person’s desires and if they align with yours, and you stop dating if you discover that they don’t. You wouldn’t call that a failure, would you?

A relationship is just dating over a long period of time.

Look what happens to married couples who stop dating – they end up in my office complaining that there’s no passion, no sex, and no intimacy. They say it feels like a friendship, and I can’t help but laugh. Of course it does… two people living together and not dating is a friendship.

Why is it that people who go on two dates and don’t continue haven’t failed, but those who go on two hundred and don’t continue have? Where is the line?

There isn’t one. Be with someone for as long as you fulfill each other’s needs and desires, or as long as you’re happy and willing to change so that you can.

If you want to change to meet each other’s developing needs, go for it. If you don’t want to or are incapable of doing so, don’t feel bad. You don’t lose or fail at anything by ending a relationship that doesn’t build or benefit you. You fail by not letting go of those things. You fail yourself by not moving forward.